---

What does this question mean... to me?

Ah, let's see. I think that this question is referring to all of those important decisions that we face and that could influence our lives over the long run. These kinds of decisions stand apart from the rest in that we are in a situation that is either compromising or in some way questionable. A good example, though trite, would be if one were approached by big, bad bullies in the playground pushing drugs and seething with peer pressure. Should that person stay and partake of the sinful exploits, or should he, as in the public service commercials demand, walk away knowing that he defeated something great? At least that's what the commercials say.

Maybe it could be among the tortured thoughts of a young woman trapped in an abusive relationship. But how would a suburban teenager know about that kind of thing, anyway. At least that's what those with closed minds say.

Perhaps a young man finds himself at a turning point in his life. Something risky, out of the ordinary. Well, should he stay and take the chance? The chance that could lead him to better things, or worse. Should he walk away and shrug off the opportunity, be it bad or good. Follow the mean. It's the safest, and best, way to go about things. At least that's what the old people say.

But who is to say? No one but the individual. Should I stay or walk away? What is the meaning of life? It's the same deal; each answer is unique to that person.

I often wonder what would have happened had I not made certain decisions. Whether or not... Maybe... If only.... Well, that's life. However, many moons have passed since I adopted a phrase from my football coach that helps me to sort out the clutter: No regrets. Did I stay, or walk away. Regardless, it has happened and cannot be reversed. Move on. Simplicity is a virtue. Granted it's not the easiest thing to do, having no regrets, but it is the only way to truly live with a clear mind and spotless conscience. That is also something to strive for; make decisions that will not cause regret.

What happens when I am actually faced with a major decision? Whatever feels right, I guess. However, there are times when neither way feels right or wrong; two sides, both with basically equal pros and cons. That is when the true soul searching comes in. When faced with a difficult situation that has either a yes or no answer, it usually takes me a long time to decide. Yes or no is very final and unforgiving; there is no gray area. That gray area is where I find comfort most often. Compromise: The comfortable medium.

Many times difficult places in life face us and we need to decide whether or not to travel down a certain path. To stick with something or someone. To stay or move on, essentially. When one thing cries out reason, often the other choice is picked. This might happen because subconsciously, that's the choice of choice, so to speak, or just because that's what looks good Then again, often times the mist of emotion clouds our vision. "Fair is foul, and foul is fair,/Hover through the fog and filthy air." What seems to be right, sometimes doesn't turn out that way. When overcome by emotion, be it love or anger, etc.; the mind's eye might, as Shakespeare has so nicely pointed out for us in MacBeth, not realize that everything isn't always as it seems.

* * *

Sometimes I don't want to think about what is civilized. What should be left be and what should be pursued? What's right and wrong. I'm out. With my friends. Some punk comes up to me (with his pants sagging off his um... hips like a fool) and begins talkin' trash to me (insulting me). I don't want to walk away. It's been a tough week; people are on my nerves everywhere. I just want to throw it down and lay it down on some little subhuman like that. All of the pressures of the week come out.
I can't control that.
He started it.
Oh... he's gone too far, it's on.

So I lose perspective of what should be done when faced with a situation that could spell T-R-O-U-B-L-E. I guess I should be a role model, you know.

I don't care.
Walk a mile in my shoes.
When some little scum comes up, a perfect release, take it.
I don't live the hard life.
I choose the tough life.

"What's up? Whatchoo lookin' at, ya big freak?"

Ooh... it's on. "I'll kill you."
The comfort of a large ego and minor status.

* * *

School's tough, man.
Training's intense.
Things rarely go the way I want.
Ever.
I sleep at my house.
I eat at my house.
My home resides elsewhere.
But where?
Find it.
I can't... gotta get to work.
I'll see you at practice tonight.
I'll see you in the weight room this afternoon.
I'll see you after school to take that test.
What are you up to after school, maybe we can do something.
Oh, sorry, I have to take care of a couple things.
Maybe tomorrow?
I'm sorry. I can't.
Okay. What do you have to do?
Deposit something in the bank.

Should I stay or walk away?

Can't risk the bank, now can we?

* * *

I can't answer this. I am in permanent limbo just trying to get out. I can't walk away. I can't stay here like this. Something has to change. Everything looks like it has to stay the same. I guess something's going to have to be worked out. Maybe? No... my vision has cleared. Things must be changed. No one ever said compromise would be easy regardless of how necessary.

You can walk away from daily incidents.

You can't walk away from life-changing decisions or ongoing situations. At least I can't, but I guess people can. Some people very close walked away from the greatest opportunities possible due to lack of interest. Maybe that will change. It will be a glad day indeed in Mudville when that day comes, but who's to say? "Not I," quoth the fly.

* * *

Let me just make a few comments before I lock this one up and send it off to the oblivion. My response has some varied flavor. This is due to my sitting down at odd times with different emotions to write. That and the random and sporadic way the thing between my ears operates. The last bit, most vivid in memory, therefore content (taking away nothing from the rest), I assume will be hard to follow for some that haven't dealt with certain things, but second nature to those that have felt this way. Not a whole lot of metaphorical pictures of blues and blacks and anger. There are the grass roots; the events, what drives all that I am. What hurts me. As of now, there's no reason to write about that which I find elation in. That will come, but then again, who am I? Just some bizarre entity without a face. Or not. Find me in what I write, it may not seem thoroughly thought out; it's not. I am hit with something and write it for you. If you would like a pretty story, mail me. I'll premeditate that; that will be glued at the seems. There won't be holes, or questions. Here, that is what I am all about; holes... questions. Ask me! I'll answer whatever you want to know. Questions, comments, and/or rambling is always suggested and requested. Have a nice day, and on with the nonsense.

Hey everyone...

It's Quotes of Random and Questionable Relevance!!!

"Is it that terrible being you inside?
Let it all go."
-Korn

* * *

If this hasn't been stated before, It should have been:

"The music is right.
I got my dancin' shoes on.
And me and your girl is bootie shakin'."
-Phunk Junkeez

* * *

"You've got to trust on you instinct
And let go of regret
You've got to bet on yourself now star
'Cause that's your best bet...

Now it's morning but last night's on my mind
There's something I need to get off my chest
And no matter what may come to shine
The dream will always be mine...

All mixed up you don't know what to do
Next thing you turn around and find the person is you"
-311

* * *

" Once a decision was made, I did not worry about it afterward."
-Harry S. Truman

* * *

"Spam Spam Spam Spam..."
-The Vikings
Monty Python's Flying Circus

* * *

"If we should fail?"
-MacBeth to Lady MacBeth
Shakespeare
The single defining moment of the play

Sites of Related Interest
The Amazing SPAM Homepage

---

[Home] [Question] [On the Dock] [About life raft]