"Mommy, why are you crying?"Caught again..... this time by a 3 year-old in the middle of a Mr. Rogers fix. At this age you get about 2 minutes, max, to come up with diversionary truths.
"Did Mr. Rogers make you sad?"
Pathetically, my life these days was cheered on only by the simple reassurances of this man whom even my son finds insipid..
"Sweetheart, Mommy's not crying...these aren't tears, you see, these are little raindrops falling from the clouds in Mommy's head. Sometimes Mommy gets big storms inside her head and the clouds are filled with raindrops and they just start falling and this is where they come out! It's really pretty exciting to have clouds and thunder and lightening inside your head,....
"Does snow ever come out of your eyes?"
And so it went, another escape from the question or the puzzled look or the slamming door that can't take anymore of my glaring insanity. At least this body-snatcher who has taken over my sleeping and waking hours demands creative thinking...especially when facing my angel with the 3 year old temper tantrums . If I'm OK, he's OK, as simple as that.
But my world was becoming more fragile with each dip in the levels of the drug that controls the rhythms of my life. To think that this madness was linked to the same power source that fuels the life force of this planet...now that was irony. The madness must be punishment for the power bestowed upon its users ..to keep them humble and less threatening. One of nature's little checks and balances.
MOTHERS
"Sweetheart, are you all right? You sound a little funny"
Mothers know everything. Every lilt of the voice in the wrong direction is a warning signal to the antennas of a mother .
"Yeah, I'm OK, just wondering why my sister has turned into a completely different person since she married that control freak and gets that tone in her voice with me every time I talk to her..".
......blah, blah, blah, and here come the tears again.
"Honey, I think you need to talk to someone about what's bothering you and maybe they can give you something to help calm you down so that you can sort out..."
"Sort out what Mother? That she's a jerk and you always side with her and that I'm sick of you insinuating things about me ?...Gotta go"
Who IS this WITCH who's trying to impersonate me all the time? I adore my mother and sister and wish we could all live together like before....before the men and the hormones came into our lives and complicated our sweet simplicity.
Twice in one day ...the tears appear from some other dimension inside of me that I cannot control. CONTROL,... now that's an interesting concept that I, in my former self used to employ with regularity.. If, for some reason the tears started to come, I could ALWAYS tell that inquiring person the reason why they were falling or the reason why it was none of their business. But the key element here was that I knew from whence they came, and therefore, I could control their intrusion into my moment of time. These days the tears and their emotions were controlling me. How to regain power?
THE MEDICINE MEN
"I asked the doctor if this could cause the kind of instability and erratic behaviour you have been exhibiting and he said it was highly unlikely. He suggested that we make an appointment for you to see one of our doctors over in the counseling department. Now, when would it be convenient..."
"Are you telling me I have a mental problem? Please pay attention to what I am telling you... I have just returned from a blissfully happy week in the Caribbean; my husband and I are happier than we have been in years; my son has finally entered preschool, potty trained one year ahead of all his playmates; I am at last enjoying a few hours of free time each week; and, I have been accepted into the graduate program of my choice. In my previous persona this good fortune would have been reason for celebration. But for some odd reason, I have lost all semblance of control over when and why I begin to cry. I have feelings of total worthlessness. I forget dates and times of appointments with increasing frequency. I awake at 3 in the morning and can't get back to sleep. I have no history of mental illness and neither does anyone in my family."
"Our lab results show that there is a considerable drop in your key female hormones and that you have most likely already finished the simple process of the Change of Life. According to our doctors, the Change of Life does not involve any of the types of problems you are experiencing."
THERE IS NOTHING SIMPLE ABOUT ONE'S LIFE CHANGING TO TOTAL CHAOS.
"Please advise your staff that there is a crazy person who has taken over my life. Surely there is something that can be done to remove her from my body so that I can continue to live my life in a manner that does not resemble a chapter from The Three Faces of Eve."
"By the way, when the millions of baby boomers begin this "simple" Change of Life process, I hope you can come up with a few more clues for them than you have for me, because these over achievers could start changing, or "mutating," earlier than expected, in which case you don't have much time."
HUSBANDS
"Daddy's home!!!"
God, he makes me sick. Mr. Wonderful, Mr. I'm Such an Important Person Doing Such Important Things....
"How come you're so late today? You know I need a break from being home all day with a 3 year-old. Of course YOU can shut your door whenever you want, YOU can sit down to eat lunch, YOU can play golf in the middle of the day....oh yeah, and can YOU please remember to pick up your dirty underwear? I'm sick of picking it up every day, and I'm sick of washing it, and I'm sick of being here, so good bye I'm taking the dog and a beer to the park....and please stop saying "Daddy's home" when you walk in the door. YOU are not my Daddy. "
I watched this person from a distance and listened to the vitriol rolling off her tongue. Here she was again wreaking havoc in my home without even a phone call to say she was coming . That's what's so unpleasant about her....she just shows up unannounced.
THE PEACE THAT PASSES UNDERSTANDING
"Thanks buddy, you know just what to do, don't you? No questions, no pathetic looks, no insulting suggestions, just wet kisses to mingle with the tears."
EPILOGUE
The issue of Menopause will affect millions of women ranging in age from 39 to 55 now that this generation is approaching mid-life. Since anyone associating with these mutating females will have their sanity tested on a regular basis it is critical to watch out for and be aware of this process.
To that end, I hope I have been of some service.
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