A fairly homogeneous peer or respect group having similarities within a particular aspect of living or values. Often, reference groups have labels, such as "nerds" to identify characteristics and categorize them easily. (Don't be too critical, we all do this.) The reference groups are often labeled for easy in distinguishing them in thought and when interrelating with their members. Another typical reference group label might be "Generation X'er".
Individuals see the world in the context of a few living groups. Each person's orientation cannot be escaped: attempting to change their opinions -- their world views -- they must yet view change in the environment and within themselves from the combined frameworks of the reference groups within which they exist. Even if each attempts to escape from his world view, his escape constitutes recognition of his opinions, and obeisance to them. Consequently, it is not possible to change radically one's reference groups and living groups. Complex in composition and structure, a living group instantiates several or many of those reference groups having particular values which relate to individuals. Individuals rate themselves always as belonging within or outside selected reference groups which comprise a living group. Typical living groups are "my neighbors," "my officemates," "my friends."
A person living in the United States. Formerly known, in more isolated and parochial times, as "American" male, adult. The UniStatsian male cannot cry in the middle of the day. To cry, one needs motive, venue, and the expectation of emotional fulfillment from crying. But, why should he cry (his motive), where can he cry (the venue), and what happens when he cries (expectation of fulfillment)? We will explore these questions a little later . . .
Oh, the rallying cry that says, "This is change!", "You're out of it!", "Cover-up and doublethink!", "Things are better than they were!"
Nineties Question
What do we mean when we say "This is the nineties!"? What values are we talking about? With what are we contrasting the nineties? {"No, not some timeframe, you ninny, ('The eighties, duh!') some other set of values!"}.
Male. Euphemism for a stoic guy. In context of this society, one who has to hold his ground and maintain his image in the face of adversity or internal conflict. Also, the man has to uphold his duties in the face of adversity or internal conflict.
Motive is his reason to cry. Motives could be deprivation, grief, frustration, futility, or combinations of these. So, on any typical day, we may have multiple motives to cry. Take yesterday, for example. A typical work day, it started out with not enough time for a proper five minutes for a cup of coffee prior to the freeway. Of course, the freeway itself was enough reason for crying. Like all the other poor individuals, his daily mode is rush, then transport, then be caught up by the work routine; later, a microwave dinner. This the "humanity" we share every day. These are the facts of our enlightened age, not the ability to take time to get in touch with one's emotions, let alone share them.
Motive Question 1
What are three good reasons to cry in the middle of the day? What are three good reasons not to cry in the middle of the day?
Motive Question 2
From the answers above, are these reasons the same for our UniStatsian male reference group as other reference groups you can think of?
Deprivation comes from being denied something he needs or wants. Like ice cream . . . he was sometimes deprived of that, but he could not cry since he was schooled early on not to cry for lack of ice cream; he would get hit.
Deprivation Question 1
Match UniStatsian providers' security loss from the list with the timeframe it happened.
- Loss of jobs in agriculture and mining/raw materials.
- Loss of jobs in aerospace.
- Real estate crash.
- Loss of jobs in manufacturing.
- Change in stature of jobs in service industries.
- 50's and early 60's.
- 40's and 50's.
- 80's.
- 90's.
Did these changes have more impact on some reference groups than other? Were their impacts the same for male and female reference groups, for example?
Deprivation Question 2
Did anyone ever deprive the UniStatsian of weeknight TV, weekend football, or a six pack? Name some other higher forms of fulfillment and security offered in abundance by today's' society.
Deprivation Question 3
Do we deal with UniStatsian male emotions any better today than we did fifty years ago?
In what ways?
One of the few "legitimate" motives for a man, to cry or to have a crestfallen expression. Grief comes from events taking some-one/thing a man loves. This must be some-one/thing which is acknowledged both by reference groups and by current living group to be above a certain undefinable threshold for crying to occur. As examples, loss of his cat would not be reason for a man to cry within most reference groups, while loss of a blood relative would. Ask yourself these questions about subjects for which they could reasonably apply: apply them to an adult UniStatsian male, an adult UniStatsian female, a European male, teenagers of each sex in turn. Mentally replace the subject by a reference group name in the space provided. Then make up some subject a reference groups and perhaps questions of your own.
Grief Question 1
Would a _____________ (the subject) be expected to cry or not cry upon losing a good job (or scholarship)?
A _____________ would be expected to recover from loss of a really good job (scholarship) in what time period?
Grief Question 2
Would a _____________ be expected to cry or not cry on losing an in-law?
Grief Question 3
A _____________ has a serious argument with a _____________ (same or another subject). The _____________ would be expected to cry. Under what circumstances could the _____________ be expected to cry?
Grief Question 4
What other ways can a(n) _____________ express grief?
Frustration comes from not being heard, or -- on being heard -- not having an impact. Our voices can be sounded in many ways, the most recent in electronic forms broadcast throughout the world. But can we discern recognition, and then impact? Perhaps those who would reply also can discern little recognition and no impact in the absence of replies. Before, when we would cry aloud in the middle of the day, we would fail to see any encouraging return, if any return at all. Crying in frustration led only to more frustration.
Now, we can cry and broadcast our cries electronically. Does anybody electronically hear us? The UniStatsian male can easily determine to eliminate this negative feedback loop; don't initiate it.
Futility is the last step in the triad of commitment, control, and futility. Once we get to this level, we have intended to accomplish something, worked toward it, generally lost the control needed to complete it effectively, and recognized our plight. The UniStatsian male generally is told "Go on. Go on, with hope in your heart." The UniStatsian female, as well as other reference groups, is allowed the luxury of crying, right there and then, even in the middle of the day. Crying doesn't help the situation with respect to commitment and control. But it does, when sanctioned by the reference group framework, help the feeling of futility.
Futility Question 1
How do you know when you've reached the point of complete ineffectiveness?
Futility Question 2
What is the impact of continued effort on futility? Is futility influenced by quality or quantity of work effort?
Crying venues are nonexistent for the UniStatsian male. As a member of a privileged group, he has no one to admit his right to cry. His crying is derided as whining, for he can have no legitimate grief, frustration, or deprivation. He is in the workplace during his day, and under scrutiny to confirm he is a man, and professional, and dignified, and adult, and moreover aloof. Each of these qualities prevents crying in the work venue. He can go to his club, where he needs to be macho in sport and relationship. He can be with his woman, who requires him to be strong yet sensitive and supportive. He can be with his dependents -- children or employees -- who require him to be decisive and disempassioned. Alas, he can be nowhere with others to cry in the middle of the day. If he were crying by himself only, well, that would be just plain weird.
Venue Question
Name some place where it would not be weird to see the subjects of our story crying. Is this a normal place for them to frequent?
Expectation of fulfillment would come from the feeling one has after crying . . . that it's been worth it. The crier would feel better when it's done than when it's started. Be made to feel embarrassment and guilt and shame, and crying is suddenly not worth it anymore. We all anticipate outcomes, and the man sees that the outcome is repeatedly negative. So he doesn't cry anymore. He hadn't been comforted; he had made others uncomfortable. He hadn't been nurtured; he had made those who depended on him insecure. He hadn't released a stress; he'd accepted a new stressor in the form of guilt.
Fulfillment Question 1
Would your image of your favorite actor, male model (can you think of one?), sports star, music personality change if you were to see them crying while performing? How about in "real" life?
Fulfillment Question 2
Suppose, from the previous question, you saw your actor crying multiple times within the role, for (a) the same reason and then (b) for various reasons. Would that affect your perception of him in that role and in succeeding roles?
Let's face it. Regardless of the mechanisms, there are more senders of messages than receivers, and more messages received than assimilated, and more messages assimilated than replied to. You can see where this is going.
Response Question
When was the last time you had a problem, and did not get a response to it that helped?
We are humans. Humans have intentions to accomplish something. This nature is the first step down the road to success and is also the first step down the road to failure. Making a commitment is not what creates success; but there can be no success without it. Also, commitment creates the emotional investment needed to carry through the task Determining to "open new doors" is a commitment, as is "I've got to take just one more step" or "Just to the top of the next hill."
Control and lack of control carry the commitment to success or failure. Mixed with lack of control, commitment can lead to the third step in crying, which is one motivation for crying -- futility.
Unlike that for classical theologians and philosophers, the meaning of sense today is mutable: sound and consistent with the way a particular individual thinks at a particular time, and might or may not possibly make sense to those around him/her. At least s/he thinks they should make sense. Current society in the form of most reference groups does not apply universal tests. It's whatever "feels right at the time." Depending on your reference group(s), this attitude is either comforting or confusing; either relieving stress or creating stress.
Sense Question 1
Name three societal issues that seem to make sense to a broad cross section of reference groups. Think of things like abortion, involvement in Bosnia, the economy, sexuality, success, friendship . . . What values do we hold -- like truth, fairness, compassion -- that apply to these issues?
Sense Question 2
Can you think of some reference groups for whom sense is relative, some for whom sense is invariant?
Whatever Age you are in. There may be Ages that have been darker, but there were certainly other Ages that may be "lighter." In today's world, with instantaneous communication, the "Age" could also be a location, a living group, or even a lifestyle.
Whatever Age(s) in which you want to be relative to your current Age.
Age of Enlightenment Question
What is for you the most enlightened Age? What is the image of a man that you get from thinking about this enlightened Age? Is it the same as a man from today's Age? In today's Age, what is your impression of the man from this story?
Compass
Directives for the UniStatsian
Coming soon!
Crying versus not crying. Crying in the middle of the day versus at one end of the day versus crying at night. How do we know when we're crying anyhow? Is crying a physiological or a psychological state? Tears do not define crying, either definitively or by exclusion. We can have tears when we're not crying; we can be crying without tears.
Northwest Passages
Go West
Eastern Exposure
Lower Latitudes
The Weather Glass
Continental Drift
Views on the Way the World Moves
Continents Collide, Continents Drift Apart in human interaction.
Coming soon!
Comments and counterpoints from reference groups, especially for discussions, perspectives, and perceptions between gender groups and ethnic groups.
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